I Just Really Need To Get This Out of My System

OK! DISCLAIMER: Let me first say that I love Twilight, and I am totally in love with Edward like everyone else. But dear God, I need to say this:

I'll do it according to book:

Twilight: not much wrong here. Goes a little too slowly for my taste. And comparing it with later books, it doesn't show enough of Edward's personality.

New Moon: Far, far too much Jacob. And Bella would never, ever, ever, EVER consider actually being with Jacob. I will elaborate on this later. I really loved how Alice came at the end, though. And I agree with Edward. It made absolutley no sense that Bella would believe him so quickly. Again, elaborate later.

Eclipse: Ok, I hated how guilty Bella was supposed to be feeling. I again agree with Edward, she did absolutely nothing wrong. It's Jacob's fault!!! Bella doesn't have to be able to go to La Push for them to be friends!! He could have answered the phone!! And I'm sorry, but he is really a dick with the whole kissing thing. He's really kind of a bastard. I far-and-away prefer pre-wolf Jake. But I love the excess of Alice :]

Breaking Dawn: Where to begin, where to begin . . . . Ok . . . . I hated it. I could not stand it. It made absolutely no sense. First of all, you do not automatically start wanting a baby when you get pregnant. Edward has no body fluid. He can't get . . . . you know. And I really, really hated how Bella acted throughout the whole thing. First she turns into a crazy, life-support, I'm-giving-my-life-to-a-random-demon-baby bitch. And then is a total so-protective, more-than-my-own-life MARTYR!!! What the FUCK?

Which brings me backk to my elaborations: I know Bella is supposed to be this total selfless angel, right? But she's actually really selfish. Like how, first she insisted on still seeing Jake in Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn. And why did she freak out about Renesmee's (stupid, stupid name) nickname? Nessie is a hell of a lot better than the name SHE picked. And why in god's name did she get so obsessed with having a boy? And come on, Edward Jacob???? Terrrible, terrible name. And then, she kissed Jacob back. And then, she was putting the Cullens Edward and Jacob through all that pain just because she wanted to keep that monster baby. And it got soooo gruesome. It broke ribs, her pelvis, and her SPINE!!! EWWWW!!!! And still she "truly" loved it. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I'M GONNA BARF!!! So the epitome of selfish. She's horrible. And Bella is also so arrogant, like about how strong her and Edward's love is. When she was talking to Edward about how long she'll be horny (again, no sense), she immediately assumes that Rosalie and Emmett's relationship isn't as good as hers with Edward. And ROSALIE! She needs to be put to death!! I loved Jake's dumb blonde jokes. I was also really annoyed with the three-story concept. What the hell? And how she gathers all those witnesses to save Nessie, knowing full well that if the Volturi decide to kill them anyway the witnesses will die too. SELFISH.

*sighs* I've been waiting to do that rant forever. After reading Breaking Dawn, I have a really hard time reading the rest. Midnight Sun is the exception. I swoon every couple sentences when I read it. And I end up with bruises cuz I punch my thighs so much. Anyway . . . . I'll probably think of more qualms later, but until then . . . .

<3>

P.S. Please do not think badly about me over this. It's just my opinions, heavily influenced by my squeamishness.