What . . . the . . . Fuck?!

It has come to my attention that Nintendo Power makes shitty guidebooks that don't tell you half the crap you can do in Pokemon games. Take the one for Diamond and Pearl. It doesn't tell you shit about the various zones in northeast Sinnoh, or Fullmoon Island and Newmoon Island, the Pokedex is incomplete, and it doesn't mention hardly any of the legendaries you can get. And what the fuck is up with needing to have gone to an event to get Legendaries like Cresselia, Darkrai, Shaymin and Arceus? WHAT. THE. FUCK? Ahem. This is a list of Legendaries accessible in all four generations, starting with the most recent:

Sinnoh: Dialga, Palkia, Mesprit, Uxie, Azelf, Heatran, Cresselia, Darkrai, Jirachi, Shaymin and Arceus.
Hoenn: Groudon, Kyrogre, Rayquaza, Latios, Latias, Regirock, Registeel, Regiice and Deoxys.
Johto: Raiku, Entei, Suicune, Lugia, Ho-Ho and Celebi.
Kanto: Articuno, Zapdos, Moltres, Mew, Mewtwo.

All are varying degrees of impossible and all one hundred percent get-able. Don't trust guidebooks! Use Bulbapedia.com and Serebi.net for all your Pokemon needs.

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My Poetry Anthology

The second installment in the My Poetry Anthology . . . It's my favorite little Dorothy Parker poem, called Unfortunate Coincidence:

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he says his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

It's a bit cynical, but I've loved it ever since I read it in Reckless, the It Girl novel by Cecily von Ziegesar. It was shortly after that I got into DP, and started carrying my grandma's old copy of the Portable Dorothy Parker around with me. Read some of her!

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The Day the Music Died

Ohmigod, I have been all over YouTube, trying to find the original version of the song that goes like "I can't see me loving nobody but you, for all my life . . ." And all I've found are remixes by the Flobots and a scratchy old '70s music video of some band called the Turtles. If anyone out there in the Blogosphere (go to xkcd.com if you wanna get that) knows who records that song (a good version), please leave a comment and let me know!

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Introducing . . . . My Poetry Anthology!

Starting today, I will post a poem whenever I feel like, a part of the My Poetry Anthology blog series! Today's is The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, but it's a long-ass freakin poem, so I'll waste a blog and post the first verse:

Once upon a midnight dreary, that I pondered weak and weary,
Over many quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
' 'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, 'tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

I'm feeling really depressed now, so I picked a depressed poem.
So post a comment and make me happy!

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The 30-Minute Ritual of Getting Dressed

It has recently come to my attention that there been an epidemic breaking out among girls in their mid- to late-teens. It is the 40-Minute Ritual of Getting Dressed, and it goes like this:

1. Put on bra. Wait ten minutes.
2. Put on underwear. Wait twenty minutes.
3. Put on pants. Wait eight minutes.
4. Put on shirt. Wait twelve minutes.
5. Put on socks and shoes in the middle of the hallway, and finally, she is ready.

Strange, eh?

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This Is It, People

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7psh4uhs7o&feature=related

Today in the New York Times, there was an article stating how we have reached the tipping point in global warming, or so say most scientists. So it's either save the plant, Go Green, and stop drilling Alaska, or move to Mars. And we haven't even started terraforming! The above is a LINK to that funny video from Futurama about how they "fix" global warming in the year 3000. When in fact, in the episode where the Planet Express team went on a company retreat to a ski resort, Fry asked Leela what happened to Global Warming, and she answered not that they dump an ice cube in the ocean but that "nuclear winter canceled all that out." HA! It's a link and not the video cuz Blogger chose to be annoying and kept finding an error when I tried to upload the video directly.

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Shoe of the Week

I changed my mind. I'll just post a shoe when I feel like it.
This is the Stella McCartney Carved Wedge Sandal. I thought it was really cool, even though I think the studded trend is a bit extreme.

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I Wonder

Escapism. It's a funny thing. For instance, me writing this is escapism. From reality, I am escaping into the Internet and in the process getting very philosophical and stiff in my writing. It does not help that I am finishing up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the eightieth time, and have just reached the point of Dumbledore's talk with Harry. I'm escaping from the mess of papers beside me on the couch, the done and undone homework that I cannot bear to sift through, the reminders of all that I have missed due to my unfortunate circumstances of having a squeezing, pinching PAIN inside my forehead, eyes, and temples. My rereading of books is escapism, my addiction to my laptop is escapism, my love of television is escapism, my short attention span, my hatred of slow music, the need to listen to my iPod so loud that I can feel my brain reverbrating inside of my skull. All to leave my reality. We all do it, for one reason or another. Reading my blog, for instance, is escapism, though you may not realize it. Escaping into someone else's problems. That's why everyone reads People magazine. Why newspapers like the New York Times (a personal favorite of mine), where you read about world events that effect everybody, is tossed aside in favor of Town & Country, which covers the true enigma of the lifestyles and exploits of the wealthy. Escapism is a funny thing. It is avoidance. Unfortunately, it is also one of my favorite things.

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Shoe of the Week

NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Starting today, Parlez Vous Francais has a weekly (or more often) post: the Shoe of the Week! At least once a week I will pick a shoe, or sometimes bag, that I really like!

This is the Kate Spade Cybill pump. It also comes in chocolate brown. I tried it on at Bloomingdales, which is where I first saw them, and it was impossible to walk in! The universal sign of a great shoe . . . .

Cruelty in the Kitchen

The sensation that's sweeping the nation. And I'm not talking about someone hitting their wife while she makes dinner, or kicking their puppy (*faints at the thought*) because it's "begging" for scraps. I'm talking about Home Ec. You're getting ready to cook with your group, and suddenly your partner's like, we're going to do this, and you're going do this undesirable thing. She says it like there was some kind of prior agreement! Or when you say something, and then she says something mean about what you said, and then a beat later knocks you on the shoulder and says "JK!" all smiling and crap. It makes me wanna barf. And it happens again and again, with slight variations, like "LOL" instead of "JK." I hate it. And let's face it --- the using-Chatspeak-in-normal-conversation trend is so dead.

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Broadway in 1840s

My mom showed me this picture in the New York Post today. I though it was cool. It's Broadway in the 1840s, earliest known photograph of Old New York. It's gonna be auctioned off at Sotheby's.

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Oops, I Forgot . . .

Oh, I forgot to elaborate of Bella not being with Jacob and not believing Edward.

For Jacob, I don't think she would have considered being with Jacob. First, it would be totally selfish. And second, anyone that much in love wouldn't just give up like that. She'd keep hoping and praying that he would change his mind. That's kind of how she feels after Alice promises to change her.
Second, Bella so would not have believed Edward, especially not after her talk with Carlisle. Even if she started to believe him, she knew how good a liar he was, and how he was worried about her soul. So she could have just told him flat-out what she would do if he left. Go kill herself. That is essentially what she is doing when she leaps off a cliff. She does not purposefully to die, but because she doesn't CARE if she dies. Which is the same thing. She wouldn't have done all the motorcycles and crap if she just wanted to hear his voice. She did it because she could without fear of dying. Aftter all, what does she have to live for?
And what is everyone's obsession with not hurting Charlie? Don't they know that if she wants to die, then she should die? Surely Charlie would be hurting just as much with a daughter who wanted to die but didn't, simply for his sake? That would make him feel terrible!! Ugh.

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I Just Really Need To Get This Out of My System

OK! DISCLAIMER: Let me first say that I love Twilight, and I am totally in love with Edward like everyone else. But dear God, I need to say this:

I'll do it according to book:

Twilight: not much wrong here. Goes a little too slowly for my taste. And comparing it with later books, it doesn't show enough of Edward's personality.

New Moon: Far, far too much Jacob. And Bella would never, ever, ever, EVER consider actually being with Jacob. I will elaborate on this later. I really loved how Alice came at the end, though. And I agree with Edward. It made absolutley no sense that Bella would believe him so quickly. Again, elaborate later.

Eclipse: Ok, I hated how guilty Bella was supposed to be feeling. I again agree with Edward, she did absolutely nothing wrong. It's Jacob's fault!!! Bella doesn't have to be able to go to La Push for them to be friends!! He could have answered the phone!! And I'm sorry, but he is really a dick with the whole kissing thing. He's really kind of a bastard. I far-and-away prefer pre-wolf Jake. But I love the excess of Alice :]

Breaking Dawn: Where to begin, where to begin . . . . Ok . . . . I hated it. I could not stand it. It made absolutely no sense. First of all, you do not automatically start wanting a baby when you get pregnant. Edward has no body fluid. He can't get . . . . you know. And I really, really hated how Bella acted throughout the whole thing. First she turns into a crazy, life-support, I'm-giving-my-life-to-a-random-demon-baby bitch. And then is a total so-protective, more-than-my-own-life MARTYR!!! What the FUCK?

Which brings me backk to my elaborations: I know Bella is supposed to be this total selfless angel, right? But she's actually really selfish. Like how, first she insisted on still seeing Jake in Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn. And why did she freak out about Renesmee's (stupid, stupid name) nickname? Nessie is a hell of a lot better than the name SHE picked. And why in god's name did she get so obsessed with having a boy? And come on, Edward Jacob???? Terrrible, terrible name. And then, she kissed Jacob back. And then, she was putting the Cullens Edward and Jacob through all that pain just because she wanted to keep that monster baby. And it got soooo gruesome. It broke ribs, her pelvis, and her SPINE!!! EWWWW!!!! And still she "truly" loved it. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I'M GONNA BARF!!! So the epitome of selfish. She's horrible. And Bella is also so arrogant, like about how strong her and Edward's love is. When she was talking to Edward about how long she'll be horny (again, no sense), she immediately assumes that Rosalie and Emmett's relationship isn't as good as hers with Edward. And ROSALIE! She needs to be put to death!! I loved Jake's dumb blonde jokes. I was also really annoyed with the three-story concept. What the hell? And how she gathers all those witnesses to save Nessie, knowing full well that if the Volturi decide to kill them anyway the witnesses will die too. SELFISH.

*sighs* I've been waiting to do that rant forever. After reading Breaking Dawn, I have a really hard time reading the rest. Midnight Sun is the exception. I swoon every couple sentences when I read it. And I end up with bruises cuz I punch my thighs so much. Anyway . . . . I'll probably think of more qualms later, but until then . . . .

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P.S. Please do not think badly about me over this. It's just my opinions, heavily influenced by my squeamishness.

Welcome Welcome Welcome

Well, hi! If you're reading this, then you've been lucky enough to stumble upon my new blog!!! Anyway, this is just a starter-offer, but please please please comment!! That is like every blogger's dream!!! So have a nice day, and no negativity allowed. I apologize, but this blog is going with the old Sedition Act. Anyone who questions the government (me) is going to charged with a heavy fine of a thousand gold dubloons and then thrown in the brig anyway!! (Because we are suddenly on a pirate ship and the Queen of Hearts is captain!! If you don't get that joke, you need to either read Alice in Wonderland, watch the movie, or play Kingdom Hearts.)

JK!! No one is going to jail and I am open to suggesstions for improvement (I'd be an enormous hypocrite if I wasn't, I'm very critical to everyone.) But please be nice!!

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